Get to Know Your Riot Girls: The Man with The Plan

And now reppin' the sole Y chromosome on the crew, the guy who's been with our rookies since the first time they laced up with the TCRG. A dude who volunteers his time and runs practices in the freezing cold and the summer heat. At 9 in the morning. Outside. Even when only 5 of us layabouts show up. A dude who's not too cool to do visualization exercises. Ladies and gentlemen, get to know The Man with the Mane... The Suit on the Sidelines... The 'Fro in The Derby Know...

Our Coach, Mr. Laurence Of A Labia!

WHAT'S THE STORY BEHIND YOUR NAME?

No story, I just heard of the film and thought it was funny. Not taken from a Kevin Smith flick.

WHAT'S THE STORY BEHIND YOUR NUMBER?

As a coach I have no number, but if I had time for men's derby, or testosterby, my number would be zero in perentheses (0)

HOW MANY SEASONS HAVE YOU PLAYED?

Coached for 4 seasons or so I think

WHAT POSITION DO YOU PLAY?

Guy on bench yelling at refs and players.

WHAT DREW YOU TO DERBY?

The feminist aspect, and the ass.

WHAT'S YOUR BEST DERBY STORY?

Causing Snatchy to fall on her ass on a cocky breakaway.

WHAT'S THE MOST NON-DERBY THING YOU DO?

I can crochet the f*ck out af a touque, onesy or bikini.

SUPERMAN'S A MILD MANNERED REPORTER. BATMAN'S A MILLIONAIRE PLAYBOY. WHAT'S YOUR SECRET IDENTITY UP TO WHEN YOU HANG UP THE TIGHTS?

Metal fabricator

WHO WOULD PLAY YOU IN THE MOVIE OF YOUR LIFE?

Erik Estrada, Kurt Russell, Matthew McConoughey, Buck Flower, Ray Wise and Tim Meadows would all need to share the role.

A FASHION BLOG WANTS TO DO A SPREAD ON YOUR GAME DAY STYLE. HOW DO YOU DEFINE IT FOR THEM?

That's tough. Almost always has to be a 3 peice, no fucking pleats, and can rarely cost more than $40. "70's trailor serious business funk"

CAN YOU DRAW ME A PICTURE?

Does oragami count?

YOU JUST WON A MILLION DOLLARS. WHAT DO YOU DO?

If only that were enough for a down payment on an East Van character house. So robot legs it is.

IF I COULD OPEN UP YOUR BRAIN AND DIRECT DEPOSIT A NEW SKILL, WHAT WOULD YOU CHOOSE?

Vulcan nerve pinch.

DO YOU HAVE A SIGNATURE KARAOKE SONG?

No, well, maybe some Bowie, Ashes to ashes or something recorded in Berlin.

WHAT'S THE BEST PART OF BEING A RIOT GIRL?

We have a tank.

Get to Know Your Riot Girls! Hittin' Miss #MG-42

Here's where Terminal City's Riot Girls answer all of your burning questions! (Questions about your burning should be directed elsewhere.) Got a good one that didn't get covered? Email us!

WHAT'S THE STORY BEHIND YOUR NAME?

Coming up with a name is easy. Getting a name approved is the hard part. On the deadline for name submissions and after having tested at least a dozen at Two Evils with no success, I was on a teleconference at work when my Director used the expression "hit and miss". Voila. A little play on the words and it was mine.

WHAT'S THE STORY BEHIND YOUR NUMBER?

Better brush up on your history.

HOW MANY SEASONS HAVE YOU PLAYED?

Just wrapping up the first!

WHAT POSITION DO YOU PLAY?

Jammer primarily, but I'll do anything.

WHAT DREW YOU TO DERBY?

Oh so many things! I'm a washed up jock, so mostly the athletic challenge, but the action packed technicolour ruckus of it all was a definite pull as well. Motley Crusade-her once described derby as what happens when the jocks, the gay girls and the punk rockers get together and make up a game. Who in their wrong mind could resist?!

WHAT'S YOUR BEST DERBY STORY?

I'll plead the fifth on that one.

WHAT'S THE MOST NON-DERBY THING YOU DO?

I guess it's a toss up between curl and can.

SUPERMAN'S A MILD MANNERED REPORTER. BATMAN'S A MILLIONAIRE PLAYBOY. WHAT'S YOUR SECRET IDENTITY UP TO WHEN YOU HANG UP THE TIGHTS?

I work for a funding agency that supports research in science and engineering.

WHO WOULD PLAY YOU IN THE MOVIE OF YOUR LIFE?

If it can't be me and Tank Girl isn't available, it would have to be the honey badger.

CAN YOU DRAW ME A PICTURE?

Yup, but I'd rather bake you a cake.

YOU JUST WON A MILLION DOLLARS. WHAT DO YOU DO?

Pay off a few bills, take a vacation, make a few investments for the long term and then start looking into that apartment in Paris I always wanted...You Soldiers of Awesome don't mind skating on the champ de mars, do you?

IF I COULD OPEN UP YOUR BRAIN AND DIRECT DEPOSIT A NEW SKILL, WHAT WOULD YOU CHOOSE?

Fluency in every language.

DO YOU HAVE A SIGNATURE KARAOKE SONG?

Lucky for you, no. My singing will make your ears bleed, but I can work a mic like nobody's business.

IF YOU HAD A PERSONALIZED MARTIAL ART, WHAT WOULD IT BE CALLED?

Mega-pow!

WHAT'S THE BEST PART OF BEING A RIOT GIRL?

Gestalt, my friend, gestalt.

Get to Know Your Riot Girls! Hurt Russell #46

Here's where Terminal City's Riot Girls answer all of your burning questions! (Questions about your burning should be directed elsewhere.) Got a good one that didn't get covered? Email us!

WHAT'S THE STORY BEHIND YOUR NAME?

I kind of love Kurt Russell. Capital 'L', I admit it. He's played some of the most amazing characters of our time! But, no matter how far I tried to take a pun, I couldn't come up with a derby-ized version of any of 'em that hadn't already been taken. I was lamenting this sad fact to a good buddy of mine, when he blurted it out. Talk about a *facepalm* moment. How'd I miss that?! Lesson learned: never leave home without a comedy writer.

SPEAKING OF KURT RUSSELL... SNAKE PLISSKEN AND RJ MACREADY IN A WRESTLING MATCH. WHO WINS?

EVERYONE PRESENT. EVERYONE.

WHAT'S THE STORY BEHIND YOUR NUMBER?

46 is the official body count of Big Trouble In Little China (one of the Holy Trinity of Kurt Russell movies.)

HOW MANY SEASONS HAVE YOU PLAYED?

7/8ths of one. Newbie Newberson over here.

WHAT POSITION DO YOU PLAY?

A lady never discloses! Wait.. What? Oh. My bad, I'm not wearing my glasses. Uh... I'll find out on game day, but I really dig blocking right now. (Read: I'm tired of being a human pinball for now, but I'll revisit jamming again in the future.)

WHAT DREW YOU TO DERBY?

I ended up taking a couple friends to watch my buddy Amazombie in the home opener last season. I had no freakin' idea what was going on, but I knew I wanted in. I had made a conscious decision earlier in the year to do something just for me, busy myself up a little. Holy crap - be careful what you wish for!

WHAT'S YOUR BEST DERBY STORY?

It ain't the best, but it's G rated ;) When I decided to give it a go, I had to find a pair of skates.

I wasn't ready to get a full rig yet (not knowing if I'd even dig it) and you try finding a pair of Craigslist derby skates in size 'midget'. I tried out for the TCRG in rollerskates my buddy Eden'd been holding on to since she was 9 years old.

WHAT'S THE MOST NON-DERBY THING YOU DO?

I'm addicted to terrible/awesome SyFy television shows. I embroider portraits of Will Ferrell as Robert Goulet. I read comic books under the bedsheets to hide from the website I'm trying to build... (I'm almost positive the internet is run by evil sorcerers, and I fear that Wordpress may be sentient and feeding on my fear.)

SUPERMAN'S A MILD MANNERED REPORTER. BATMAN'S A MILLIONAIRE PLAYBOY. WHAT'S YOUR SECRET IDENTITY UP TO WHEN YOU HANG UP THE TIGHTS?

I run The Dreadquarters, a salon on Commercial Drive that specializes in dreadlocks and other

off-the-wall hair. No big deal, just the coolest gig ever...

WHO WOULD PLAY YOU IN THE MOVIE OF YOUR LIFE?

Rodney Dangerfield!

CAN YOU DRAW ME A PICTURE?

Not really, but you asked so nicely! Here's a non-artistic rendering I did of Ozzy Osbourne, delighted as a small child with his foam cannon. (It was a weird show.)

YOU JUST WON A MILLION DOLLARS. WHAT DO YOU DO?

I buy an abandoned summer camp and move in with all my buddies. We fortify against the coming (insert-your-favourite-end-times-here) and host Metalocalypse Karaoke in the mess hall on Tuesdays. I wouldn't even have to worry about investing any of that cool mil - I'll just wait for the reality shows to come knocking! (It's good to have a backup plan.)

IF I COULD OPEN UP YOUR BRAIN AND DIRECT DEPOSIT A NEW SKILL, WHAT WOULD YOU CHOOSE?

This is great, because I love to know things! I just hate learning them. Sucking at stuff is for the birds! So, I would like to be instantly good at the following:

a) driving. (If you'd like to do a sister a solid, feel free to email!)

b) fly fishing

c) dungeons and dragons

DO YOU HAVE A SIGNATURE KARAOKE SONG?

I'm currently working on mastering the key change in Bon Jovi's classic "Livin' On a Prayer". Once I get that locked tight, you're gonna have to fight me off the stage. I'm taking that sh*t on the road, Duets styles. (Huey Lewis shout-out!)

WHAT'S THE BEST PART OF BEING A RIOT GIRL?

I'm pretty sure I could call on one of these girls to second me in a knife fight just as easily as I could ask 'em to take me to Costco. Pretty sure...

Get to know your Riot Girls! Cassandra Pain #99

Here's where Terminal City's Riot Girls answer all of your burning questions! (Questions about your burning should be directed elsewhere.) Got a good one that didn't get covered? Email us!

WHAT'S THE STORY BEHIND YOUR NAME?

Choosing a name is incredibly difficult. I wanted something that was fun and meant something to me. Batman is my favourite comic bookcharacter/superhero but I'm a girl so I didn't want to use anything Batman related. I moved onto Batgirl. My favourite Batgirl is Cassandra Cain (raised mute to use the language parts of her brain tounderstand/predict body language). I changed Cain to Pain and Cassandra Pain was born.

WHAT'S THE STORY BEHIND YOUR NUMBER?
Cassandra Cain became Batgirl in 1999. Shortened it to 99.

HOW MANY SEASONS HAVE YOU PLAYED?
This is my rookie year!

WHAT POSITION DO YOU PLAY?
Wherever they put me. I'm working on learning the positions and where I play best.

WHAT DREW YOU TO DERBY?
A friend of mine (Iona Beerwagon – Faster Pussycats) plays and I'd always been interested. I saw the season opener last year and was hooked. I bought my skates a few weeks later and joined up with some other derby hopefuls (now organized and full of more awesome – RawMeat) to practice for tryouts! I've never liked traditional sports.I'm always drawn to less mainstream activities, and I HATE working out, so it has to be fun. Thus, I play roller derby.

WHAT'S YOUR BEST DERBY STORY?
There are too many to break it down to just one. One of my favourites was when I was jamming and broke out of the pack. I looked into the stands and saw my Monster cheering like a crazy person. That was pretty awesome.

WHAT'S THE MOST NON-DERBY THING YOU DO?
I'm not sure I understand the question. Is being a mom non-derby? Because I have my very own 5 year old Monster.

SUPERMAN'S A MILD MANNERED REPORTER. BATMAN'S A MILLIONAIRE PLAYBOY.WHAT'S YOUR SECRET IDENTITY UP TO WHEN YOU HANG UP THE TIGHTS?
If I told you I'd have to kill you ;)

SPEAKING OF BATMAN... YOU'RE ALONE IN THE BATCAVE. SECURITY'S DOWN, ALFRED'S ON A COFFEE BREAK, AND THERE'S NO WAY YOU'LL BE CAUGHT. WHAT DO YOU DO?

Take the Batmobile for a spin of course! Who doesn't want to drive theBatmobile?!

WHO WOULD PLAY YOU IN THE MOVIE OF YOUR LIFE?
Oh who knows... I've been told I look like Darryl Hannah...

CAN YOU DRAW ME A PICTURE?
Can I? Yes. Will it look good? No.

YOU JUST WON A MILLION DOLLARS. WHAT DO YOU DO?
Everyone else has already said it, but buy the TCRG a new home. Travel the world (in the off season of course!). After that I'd spend mymoney on a new house complete with a comic room full of shiny new comics.

IF I COULD OPEN UP YOUR BRAIN AND DIRECT DEPOSIT A NEW SKILL, WHAT WOULD YOU CHOOSE?
Can I choose time/space travel? Because that'd be awesome!

DO YOU HAVE A SIGNATURE KARAOKE SONG?
Not so much. I'm up for making a fool of myself with whatever comes up!

WHAT'S THE BEST PART OF BEING A RIOT GIRL?

The amazing group of women I get to play and work with. Everyonebrings something different to the table and we're all super supportiveof each other. I've never played team sports so I feel super lucky tohave such a wonderful team!!

Get to know your Riot Girls! Sundown #11:11

Here's where Terminal City's Riot Girls answer all of your burning questions! (Questions about your burning should be directed elsewhere.) Got a good one that didn't get covered? Email us!

WHAT'S THE STORY BEHIND YOUR NAME?

I had initially submitted something very different as my derby name, but it couldn't be shortened and was hard to say on the track (I bet you're wondering what that name was now).

After a few sleepless nights, and way too much anxiety for the situation, I woke up to a Saturday morning e-mail with the words "derby name submission extended until Monday".

It was both relieving and stressful because I needed to resubmit something better suited for me. Pressure was building and I came to the conclusion that I would be happy with a name that my Mother thought of because she is my rock. If she chose my name then she would always be with me when I played, and everything I did in derbyland would be a tribute to her.

Her first suggestion was 'Wonderwoman', which made me crinkle my eyebrows a little bit... and I gave her a little more to work with: "I was thinking a play on something that was between you and I... like you know how you call me your Sunshine? I was thinking 'Unshine', but that's taken" to which she responded with MUCH enthusiasm 'SUNDOWN'! The rest is history.

WHAT'S THE STORY BEHIND YOUR NUMBER?

There was a point in my life where I noticed that I kept catching myself looking at the clock at 11:11... in reality there isn't anything particularly special about it that makes it any different from any other time on a clock - but the feeling of solidarity that the four ones gave me struck a chord in me.

Not long after Google swept the nation, I found that there is a newage idea that denotes 11:11 as a special time when one can make wishes (among other things). Loving making wishes on shooting stars, I naturally gravitated to this idea... and so that's why 11:11 is my number.

HOW MANY SEASONS HAVE YOU PLAYED?

This is my very first season

WHAT POSITION DO YOU PLAY?

I wear the panties (Pivot & Jammer)

WHAT DREW YOU TO DERBY?

A coworker at the time told me about it and invited me to tryout, and to watch a bout last season. When I went to the bout, it completely affirmed my desire to be a derby MACHINE.

WHAT'S YOUR BEST DERBY STORY?

I am not the best derby story-teller, lol.

WHAT'S THE MOST NON-DERBY THING YOU DO?

I take photos. Lots of them.

SUPERMAN'S A MILD MANNERED REPORTER. BATMAN'S A MILLIONAIRE PLAYBOY. WHAT'S YOUR SECRET IDENTITY UP TO WHEN YOU HANG UP THE TIGHTS?

A hermit that hides out and wears hoodies and sunglasses when she ventures out. A chameleon type that blends into the background. Wallflower super sleuth that quietly riots.

WHO WOULD PLAY YOU IN THE MOVIE OF YOUR LIFE?

I would play myself, cause i'm the best at being me.

CAN YOU DRAW ME A PICTURE?

Yes: (/'o')/ .O(Woo!)

YOU JUST WON A MILLION DOLLARS. WHAT DO YOU DO?

Hire a financial advisor and figure out how to make it make money for me year after year. At that point i'd allot percentages to myself, family members, special people in my life, and causes that are close to my heart.

IF I COULD OPEN UP YOUR BRAIN AND DIRECT DEPOSIT A NEW SKILL, WHAT WOULD YOU CHOOSE?

The ability to maintain a healthy balance in my life under any circumstance.

DO YOU HAVE A SIGNATURE KARAOKE SONG?

"Whats your fantasy" by Ludacris (Not appropriate for young ears)

YOU FIND SOMEONE'S BEEN CREEPIN' ROUND YOUR BACK STAIRS. WHAT'RE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT?

Booby trap, or booty block - depending on the scenario. Either way, they better take care.

WHAT'S THE BEST PART OF BEING A RIOT GIRL?

The team. Such a well rounded fantastic group of down to earth ladies that really care about each other on and off the track. I really appreciate my team, they all hold very special places in my heart.

Get to know your Riot Girls! D.A. DaRuckus #8-TEAM

Here's where Terminal City's Riot Girls answer all of your burning questions! (Questions about your burning should be directed elsewhere.) Got a good one that didn't get covered? Email us!

WHAT'S THE STORY BEHIND YOUR NAME?

i love the a-team and i wanted to pay homage to mr. t's character b.a. baracus. before that it was afro dezee smack as a front runner. i love my name.

WHAT'S THE STORY BEHIND YOUR NUMBER?

a-team= 8-team. pretty nifty huh?

HOW MANY SEASONS HAVE YOU PLAYED?

still in my first one

WHAT POSITION DO YOU PLAY?

uhhh supposedly a number 3 blocker and wanna be jammer. ultimately, i want to get good enough to be an almighty jammer.

WHAT DREW YOU TO DERBY?

chicks being super heroes on roller skates playing a tough sport while dressed in these incredible boutfits?! do you even need to ask??!

WHAT'S THE MOST NON-DERBY THING YOU DO?

i'm learning about motorcycles and all that nifty mechanical stuff. i've found my newest passion and i'd like to make a hobby out of it.

SUPERMAN'S A MILD MANNERED REPORTER. BATMAN'S A MILLIONAIRE PLAYBOY. WHAT'S YOUR SECRET IDENTITY UP TO WHEN YOU HANG UP THE TIGHTS?

professional hater. just kidding (maybe). let's just say i get things done.

WHO WOULD PLAY YOU IN THE MOVIE OF YOUR LIFE?

eve (and yes, she was in whip it so i know she can skate).

CAN YOU DRAW ME A PICTURE?

yeah picture this, me smokin' chicks all over the track. boom.

YOU JUST WON A MILLION DOLLARS. WHAT DO YOU DO?

quit my job, travel to all my dream destinations, buy a motorcycle, buy a warehouse and give tcrg a proper home.

IF I COULD OPEN UP YOUR BRAIN AND DIRECT DEPOSIT A NEW SKILL, WHAT WOULD YOU CHOOSE?

the ability to skate fearlessly.

DO YOU HAVE A SIGNATURE KARAOKE SONG?

holding out for a hero by bonnie tyler (though i can't hit the high notes).

MR T WANTS ME TO DRINK MY MILK, STAY IN SCHOOL, AND RESPECT MY MOTHER. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?

drink your guinness/jack/cranberry juice (whatever floats yer boat) never let a man or a lover derail your dreams and respect yourself first and foremost.

WHAT'S THE BEST PART OF BEING A RIOT GIRL?

being a solider of awesome amongst other soldiers of awesome. we come from such diverse backgrounds and there's every type of woman on this team. as well our coach is extremely dedicated to the sport. and come on, we get to rock red & camo. best team colours in the league. there, i said it.

Get to know your Riot Girls! Honey Habanero #62

Here's where Terminal City's Riot Girls answer all of your burning questions! (Questions about your burning should be directed elsewhere.) Got a good one that didn't get covered? Email us!

WHAT'S THE STORY BEHIND YOUR NAME?

It’s cute and fun and I love alliteration!

WHAT'S THE STORY BEHIND YOUR NUMBER?

My oldest daughter was 6 when I started playing and my youngest was 2.

HOW MANY SEASONS HAVE YOU PLAYED?

This is my rookie year.

WHAT POSITION DO YOU PLAY?

Back Blocker

WHAT DREW YOU TO DERBY?

The physicality of a full-contact women’s sport that you play while wearing fishnets AND be able to join while in your 30’s with little to no experience. I mean really, who wouldn’t?!?!?!

WHAT'S YOUR BEST DERBY STORY?

During my 25 lap endurance testing I spiraled out of control somewhere around lap 24, landed on Suzy Shameless’s lap then continued on skating to complete my 25. Nothing like a little mid skate lap-dance to keep things interesting.

WHAT'S THE MOST NON-DERBY THING YOU DO?

Get dolled up and wear heels everyday to work in the corporate world of Real Estate Development.

SUPERMAN'S A MILD MANNERED REPORTER. BATMAN'S A MILLIONAIRE PLAYBOY. WHAT'S YOUR SECRET IDENTITY UP TO WHEN YOU HANG UP THE TIGHTS?

Suburban mom.

WHO WOULD PLAY YOU IN THE MOVIE OF YOUR LIFE?

Julia Roberts crossed with Sandra Bullock.

CAN YOU DRAW ME A PICTURE?

I can, but will I?

YOU JUST WON A MILLION DOLLARS. WHAT DO YOU DO?

Buy a giant warehouse. I think I know a few girls that could use one. That, and build a fortress.

IF I COULD OPEN UP YOUR BRAIN AND DIRECT DEPOSIT A NEW SKILL, WHAT WOULD YOU CHOOSE?

Speed.

DO YOU HAVE A SIGNATURE KARAOKE SONG?

Not any one song just as long as I sing it in my car. Alone.

YOU'RE JUST SITTING DOWN TO A FAMILY DINNER WHEN A TEAM OF NINJAS CRASHES THROUGH YOUR WINDOW! WHAT DO YOU DO?!

Suckerpunch. Stop. Drop and ROLL!

WHAT'S THE BEST PART OF BEING A RIOT GIRL?

Knowing you have all these amazing fellow Soldiers of Awesome that have your back! I’ve never felt such a feeling of belonging.